this place i'm in

I've spoken to many friends at this age who feel the same way I'm feeling.

Swirling in my brain...
Where am I in my life?
Am I where I'm supposed to be?
I have no idea where my life is going. I'm doing well. I'm doing shitty. I'm good at what I'm doing. I'm bored with what I'm doing.
What am I doing to grow myself? My mind? My spirituality? My relationships? My career?

Not much in this world is meant to be thought of in black and white, I believe. A lot of gray. I'm okay with gray (except the one hair I recently found in my hairline that is reminiscent of some shade of gray - still in denial on that...)

Sometimes I'm excited and curious about the gray. Other times I'm scared of the uncertainty that comes it. And I think living in the gray is harder...no absolutes. But learning to embrace and to grow with that realization...

Out of change and adversity comes growth. I feel myself growing. Into what, though? What direction am I carving out for my life? Embracing, again.

Maybe it's this third life crisis that plagues many of us that have minds that question, wonder and wander. I feel different after turning 28. I feel more reflective and more aware that I am actively creating my life. Looking at moving into the 30's made me reflect on my last decade of being. And, oh how different I feel that my 30's will be. Becoming more...well, "me" I suppose.

I like that. The last year has been a year of challenges and growth. Ebb & flow.

Here's to all the experiences that are "me" so far, and what is yet to come. I love all of you, as you are pieces of me.

wanderlust

I have always had this thing in me...pulling at my being. To go. To move. To try life somewhere else...

I wonder - how many people can identify with me on this reoccurring, nagging feeling of w a n d e r l u s t. I love to see, to feel, to explore... Every time I travel, my soul feels fed. I wonder if I do take the risk, follow my heart, will this feeling ever subside? Will the need ever be fed? What if I start to wonder...and never return?

I have always said I'll end up back in good ol' MN when I'm settled. Will I ever be "settled"? Maybe being settled feeds someone's soul like traveling to new places feeds mine. I wonder which is the blessing, and which is the curse. Embrace, instead of wonder.

I'm excited to experience China this month. And maybe someday, I'll wander...